living of exposure

👂🏼

I thought you were me

you whom I created

long decades

across centuries

across millennia

across life

my whole life you were …

who I was?

what anyone saw?

what anyone saw

was there everyone

not unblinded

by your attempted

acceptability

failed glamour

of failed normality

as I was

blinded

by you who

kept

safe

alive

still

alive

here

now

today

alive

not dead

and

almost

whole

and

at last

able to see

myself

apart from

picking apart

being merged self and shell

masked merged conjoined

tendrils penetrating

entangled

holding on

hard

tearing soul and safety

raw flesh and being

gripping

dripping

pain

and

tears

and

blood

and

semen

and

who

blanket

carapace

you

you that is was me

you that has hidden me

behind that smile

you

protected me

deflected barbs

and soul pain

and made

alone

a safe refuge

from violence of words

from battering of flesh

from ever

meeting

anyone

else

all

but

now

I stand

naked

watching you me

still connected

trail of ichor

between us

the memory of

your strangling guard

against hostile

alien worlds

exposed I am

now

unmasked

expansive

unconstrained

now

waiting to see

if there will be

a storm coming

that will

break

apart

27th May 2024 with thanks to Fleassy Malay for the image of standing next to (that part of) myself